(page translated with Google translate)

Among the various addictions (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling etc.) in recent years has leaned a new addiction affective. Emotional dependence (DA) has had a late entry in the category of relational disorder because it becomes difficult to discern what in a relationship can be pathological or rather absolutely normale.Innanzitutto a categorical premise is to specify that the emotional dependency ago part of what makes us human, just think of the experience of a newborn and how dependent on the mother figure. Even in later life who among us has never tried almost an obsession towards your partner? The appearance of high dependence on partners, in fact, understandable in the courtship phase of falling in love, because aspire to love, almost fusion is partly physiological and useful to the birth of the bond, but these behaviors become dysfunctional if they persist over time. Just as it should be emphasized that true independence is neither possible nor auspicabile.Tuttavia emotional dependence, it can take on the totalitarian forms to the point of harming themselves, and the report being can achieve a form so extreme as to become patologica.La addiction affective / loving. It is a relational negative condition which is characterized by a chronic lack of reciprocity in the affective life of the couple, and that tends to create psychological or physical distress rather than being and serenity. This uncomfortable condition, it may be stopped to search for a new state of serenity. If impracticable it is customary to speak of "emotional dependency."

FEATURES OF INDIVIDUALS WITH EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY (D.A.) AND SYMPTOMS

An early symptom of D.A. is the difficulty in recognizing their own needs. Love each other often becomes a suffering within a relationship where there is no reciprocity in an unbalanced relationship to the "giving" and "receiving" the employee partner vanishes completely. Too much life energy is employed to love or receiving love and approval. People with emotional problems can not take care of themselves, because they always took, by some of the partners problem that requires their attention and their energy. Despite the awareness of the poor quality of the report, fail to distaccarsi.Il second symptom is a negative attitude towards the self (self), so you have a thought characterized by the sense of "not being worthy of love" and if "the others treat me badly is because of me. " These people suffer from a deep sense of inadequacy. They are convinced that to be loved must always be diligent, amiable, sacrifice for each other in order to receive his love. Even when it means getting hurt. Those who manifest an emotional dependence, it tends to never feeling loved in a sufficient and appropriate manner. Sometimes these requests increases so exaggerated and inconsistent, until the final break of the report by the partners. Those suffering from emotional dependency is obsessed with unrealistic needs and expectations not realistiche.Un another symptom common to all employee relationships from love is the fear of change. They suffocate every desire and every interest for fear of any change. The addict just to please the other avoids conflict and all sorts of controversy for the abandonment and fear change, thus giving up his true naturaSpesso choose people who seem to be able to face life and who take care of them and invest on these reference figures, responsibilities that otherwise would be granted to them in person. In this way, for the partners to which it feels almost devotion and complete submission, the addicted person sees it as a sort of "SALVATORE" whose proximity is to fill a chasm, an existential and emotional void, that without him not He sees the possibility of filling.
This distorted form of help, sometimes is put into practice by the dependent person, which frequently chooses a problematic partner in turn linked to some other form of addiction (alcohol, gambling, sex, drugs, etc.). The partners emotional employee assumes the role of a savior, he becomes the object of his existence, his absence even temporarily by a deep sense of anguish. abandonment fear of change, of loneliness, and deny their own wants and needs is what characterizes the relationship of the person suffering from D.A.La dependence is established because there is rejection. One that imprisons in relationships, the emotional dependent, is the hope and arrogance to succeed sooner or later to be loved by those who do not want to do it, or to save those who can not or do not want to be saved. Individuals addicted try to reproduce the pattern of behavior instituted in the postnatal phase.

HOW TO HEAL THE EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE (D.A.)

Care D.A. It can not have as its only objective the separation of the person from whom he was dependent, but the total awareness of how the person is going to relate and how he created his bond. A bond based on the need to hold off their fear of loneliness and being abandoned, or a bond in which one can maintain its identity even though she was involved. It is clear that within a therapeutic process becomes crucial going to investigate and explore the first types of bonds that are formed with the parental figures (parents). experiences of rejection or abandonment doubt not worth that much or "not worthy of love" and having to do everything to be the best, will be precisely these details that make light and to guide therapeutic path.